Episode 145: Writing a Love Letter to Humanity: Therapy, Trust, and Transformative Healing [featuring Candyce Anderson]

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Transcript

PATRICK CASALE: Hey, everyone. You're listening to another episode of the All Things Private Practice podcast. I'm your host, Patrick Casale. I'm joined today by Candyce Ce Anderson, LPC, therapist, private practice owner, TEDx speaker, the acclaimed author of Love TAPS: Red Flags of an Abuser and How to Get Out. And retreat host, mom, wife, all the things, really excited to have you here today. And we're just going to [INDISCERNIBLE 00:01:28] because I know we both live in the south, and we experience a lot of storms, and weather, and technology stuff. So, here we are. Thanks for coming on. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes. Thank you for having me, Patrick.

PATRICK CASALE: So, did I miss anything in the very, very long bio that you sent me? 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: You did not. It's one of those things where you do so much. It's kind of like, does it really matter? Does it?

PATRICK CASALE: So, I know that you're friends with Dr. Dominique Pritchett and so am I. And she was just on here. And her bio is quite lengthy and understandably so. And I was like, “I can't read all this.” And she felt [INDISCERNIBLE 00:02:05]. She was like, “I want to fill in all these gaps because my accomplishments need to be heard.” And I was like, “Damn, I respect that.” I also just cringe when people read my bio, so…

CANDYCE ANDERSON: I know, I know. I literally had an experience, one, where my bio was read, and it was kind of butchered. But then, I've had other experiences where it's read and sometimes when we are always on the go, we forget all of the things, the milestones, the accomplishments, the benchmarks that we've hit. And for me, sometimes when I hear it I go, “Oh, that is me. I totally forgot about those things.”

PATRICK CASALE: It’s so crazy, right? How hard we work to get there, and then- 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes.

PATRICK CASALE: …we just move on to the next thing because it's-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: It’s like what's next? 

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, like, what am I creating? Or what speaking engagement do I have? Or what event am I working on? Like, so I appreciate that perspective of, like, just anchoring into being like, “Damn, I did all of that. Like, that's really cool.”

CANDYCE ANDERSON: I did that. Yes, it is.

PATRICK CASALE: So, with all that being said, and all the things that you do, I want you to just kind of share a little bit of your journey and what really feels meaningful right now. Because I know you have retreats, I know you have a book, you're a speaker, you've got a good social media presence. Like, people are really drawn to you for a reason. 

And I think it's because of how authentic you show up, how vulnerable you are, and how just prolific you are as a speaker in terms of engagement because people are really drawn to really the therapist’s personalities who are showing up and saying, like, “I struggle too. Like, I've been there.” And I think that's so important to highlight.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Mm-hmm (affirmative). I think for me, and again, I don't even advertise, right? But my practice stays booked just by word of mouth of people feeling connected through social media posts. 

And for me, it's been that way because the way I grew up was very, what happens in this house stays in this house. And I think that you probably know it. Other therapists understand that when children grow up in an environment like that, they learn not to trust themselves, not to speak, right? Not to use your voice, not to feel. 

And so, I spent my early years from college finding my voice and finding myself. And kind of promised myself that once I felt comfortable, and I got into who I was, I wasn't going to silent myself for anybody. 

And I also find that the population that I serve the most, which is women, we are drawn to authenticity, right? We feel safe and comfortable when we can connect with people who aren't so tightly wound, and can be a little more comfortable and realistic. And so, people sometimes leave my therapy office saying, “Oh my gosh, I wish you were my friend because you made this process so comfortable and so easy for me.” Right? Which is the attunement, which is the affirming, and validating people without any judgment. 

And so, I can't offer that to other people if I'm not giving that to myself. So, when you say about my journey and my story, most people don't know that I didn't start out wanting to be a therapist. I wanted to be an orthodontist.

PATRICK CASALE: Really? What was the draw to that? Like…

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Okay, so I got braces in high school. I must have been like 16, 17 years old. And again, this is representation, right? So, I go in the orthodontist office I'm like, “I don't want to get braces mom.” He's like, “You need it because you're going to do something amazing with your life.”

So, I get there and the orthodontist is this beautiful black woman. She had like a Mercedes parked outside, the office was really beautifully decorated. She was fun. And I was like, “So, this exists in real life? Like, not just the Huxtables.”

And whatever it was that she had, I was like, “I want that” Right? Because I grew up in DC, late 80s, in the 90s, where the crack epidemic had really ravaged the city and the people of the city. And so, any ideas or dreams that I had often originated in television or film, right?

PATRICK CASALE: Sure.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Or books. But when I saw this woman who was all those things, and she was tangible, I was like, “Okay, let me do that.” Right? I was already a nerd of science. 

And so, I went to school. But right before I went to school, I found out that I was pregnant. So, I was all these things, homecoming queen, and all these scholarships, and all these grants, and I found out that I'm pregnant. And I decided to go ahead and continue with school. 

But in college, I discovered that yes, the science was like fun for me, but it wasn't relatable.

PATRICK CASALE: Right. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: It felt very mechanical and empty. So, Howard University they have these amazing pre-professional programs, pre-dental, pre-made, etc. I was a pre-dental student. And as a part of that, for our spring break, we got to Chateau at the Howard University Hospital. 

So, I was in the dental suite one spring break, and saw and smelled some things that just were not meshing with me. And I said, “This is not going to work.”

So, went to my advisor, attempted to change my major, tried out a couple of things, anthropology. And then, I took a psych class. 

And my professor was a doctor of divinity. And he was also a clinical psychologist. His name was Ron Hopson, Ronald Hopson. And he said something that's changed my entire worldview. He said that people's recollection of your story does not invalidate it. 

And for me, growing up in a home where my mother was an alcoholic, I was always gaslit into believing that what I was seeing, feeling, and experiencing was not actually true. And so, when he said that, immediately, I was affirmed all the things I had experienced until, “Candyce, that's not what happened.” I was immediately affirmed and freed up. 

And so, I thought, well, if that one epiphany can do that for me, what could I do for other people who live in the same space? And that was when my journey in psychology, and figuring out what it was that I wanted to do, and how I wanted to contribute to the world because this work for me is not only a love letter to the black collective and mankind, it's the rent that I pay for taking up space in this life.

PATRICK CASALE: Damn.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: It is my soul's work. And so, I take it very seriously. And every day I wake up is an opportunity for somebody else to get a little bit of freedom in their life.

PATRICK CASALE:  I love that. That's really powerful. And it sounds like that really helps with the colonistic-like view of how therapy can be done of therapy doesn't have to be buttoned up and robotic, and it's really more about community healing.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes.

PATRICK CASALE: And it sounds like you're also offering similar glimpses into life that maybe that orthodontist offered you while you were in high school, like people get to come in your therapy space and say, “Wow, look at what can be possible, look at what can be done, look at how people can move through the world, and shift, and change, and grow, and crush a lot of these narratives, and this trauma cycle, too.” 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, yes. Because the people that end up in my office are the ones usually in their family system that say, “This is it. Help me, something's not right here. I might not know exactly what it is. But I know that I want something different.”

So, those people end up in my office. And so, they already have some idea that there is more available, but they just don't know what that means for them. And they don't know what the price is, right? Because we know that the lives that we want to create essentially cost us old habits, old beliefs, old mindset. And to dig those things up, and excavate, and create new things, we got to go to some ugly places sometimes. 

So, me being able to not just come from a textbook, but say, I know what it's like to be this survivor, I know what it’s like to overcome, and navigate, and move through to find your happy, it changes for them what is possible. It makes it tangible, it makes it real, it puts it within reach. And then, they make the choices that, “There it is, that's what I want.” Right? 

So, it allows this thing to be real. It allows healing to be experienced. And for some people first time ever.

PATRICK CASALE: For sure. And that’s so powerful.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: First time ever.

PATRICK CASALE: It also normalizes the human experience and existence to have other people openly talk about their own struggles from a different perspective. Like, that's why I've always talked so openly about my history with gambling addiction, my late in life autism diagnosis, et cetera, et cetera, because I think it offers that glimmer of hope of like, if I do the work, life can be different, right? I know what it's like to struggle. I also know what it's like to go into those ugly places, like you mentioned. And to really, like, cultivate something different and to be able to create out of a lot of that [CROSSTALK 00:13:38]-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, yes. And you just said something so important. So, people ask me, when they saw the viral moment of the women going into the water, before the Montgomery brawl, or my books, or these events that I host. And they say, “Well, how did you come up with it?” That creativity oftentimes is born out of what maybe we need it, right? In our own struggles that we couldn't find.

PATRICK CASALE: For sure.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: And so, we say, well, if I needed it, and I have all of this self-awareness, etc., then certainly there are people who need it who may not necessarily be in that place, but they can recognize it when they see it.

PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yeah. 

PATRICK CASALE: 100%. I think that there's so much power in creation through like, healing, and acknowledging, like, as people and entrepreneurs I'm trying to create something that I myself need or want, like, or I can't find it. 

And I think you're so right. Like, that perspective of if I need it, if I want it, if I recognize this is valuable, I am not the only one out of 8 billion people on the planet who is also can relate to what I'm trying to put out into the world and why I think it's important.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Precisely, precisely. I think that, you know, it's the mother of ingenuity. Essentially, if you need something you can't find it, it's probably a sign that you're supposed to create it. Right? Or how we say, if three people say they say the same thing to you, or ask the same question, then there's a need.

PATRICK CASALE: Yes, absolutely.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yeah. 

PATRICK CASALE: And think about like how many people have these great ideas, right? But they keep them to themselves because they're like, “This isn't really going to work for people. It's not going to be successful. People aren't going to want it.” All the narratives that we tell ourselves, and then, someone else is probably going to put that idea out into the world, and you're like, “Well, shit that's exactly [CROSSTALK 00:15:50]-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Right.

PATRICK CASALE: …for two years.”

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Right. Yeah, you've ever seen a infomercial, it'll be for like the weirdest gadget and you go, “I thought about that, right?”

PATRICK CASALE: Yep. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: There's this concept, this book. I think it's called The Magic in You. I know magic isn't the title, I can't recall the precise title. But in it, the author explains that when ideas come into the atmosphere, essentially, and you feel inspired, if you don't do anything with it, that idea finds another medium through which it becomes alive. And so, that's why sometimes we'll go, “Damn, you know, I wish I had acted on that. I wish I had saw that thing through.” 

Because it needs to come into the earth some kind of way, right? The universe needs to bring it about in some way. So, if it comes to you, and you're dilly dallying, there are still people that need it. So, it has to find another way to come about. 

PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. Because these ideas, right? Are like, they’re energy. And if we don't kind of harness that energy, it is just going to transfer somewhere else or disappear. And I just think it’s so sad. Like, I think of this quote a lot. I don't know why. But I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Bronx Tale?

CANDYCE ANDERSON: I have.

PATRICK CASALE: But there's a quote that Robert De Niro says to his son, like, the saddest thing in the world is wasted talent. And I always think about that when so many of the people we interact with have such wonderful ideas, but keep themselves small for a variety of reasons, right? Like, they’re so there, but it's like, “Damn, if we could just get these things out into the world and in motion and really harness that energy, a lot of beautiful creations really will come to be.”

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes.

PATRICK CASALE: Let me ask you this, private practice wise, did you ever think to yourself, your mom had told you this, you're destined for great things as you were getting ready to get braces? Do you ever think like, “Okay, if I start my own business, if I started private practice, that's kind of the end. That's the finish line for me.” Did you ever think that before like going on to view all the things that you've done?

CANDYCE ANDERSON: I think, for me, private practice wasn't the end, it was the vehicle through which more freedom came for me. So, my core belief or need in life is freedom. And for me, I knew that the more engagements I was asked to be a part of, and the more trainings I was asked to facilitate, I couldn't work for somebody else and control my schedule the way I needed to. 

And even when I left, I worked for a psychiatrist for about three years before I started my practice. And she said to me, she was like, “I'll see you on Oprah one day.” She was like, “I knew that you needed to go off and do your own thing.” And I was like, “Okay, I will see that.”

So, even now, in private practice, I only see clients three days a week, Tuesday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, special circumstances that will open up other availability. But that Monday, that Friday, I have meetings, or interviews, or travel and things that allow me to bring about the other parts of this work that I enjoy. 

So, for me, when I thought of private practice, I see it not only as an opportunity for me to give love and healing to the community at large in a way that feels comfortable for me, right? Like, you can come in with your bonnet on, you can come in if you have to take your braids out, and you can come in in your pajamas. Like, if you can just get here, you can come any way that you need to. 

For me to be able to create that kind of space, I needed to have my own to do that. So, it wasn't necessarily the end, it was a soft place to land and cultivate other ideas and plan things out fully without being stifled. 

PATRICK CASALE: I love that. I think that's a great perspective because so many people, especially, I think mental health professionals who maybe don't have a lot of business savviness at first or at least will tell themselves that they don't know how to be a business owner have all these ideas, but a lot of the time you can't see the forest for the trees. 

Like, for me, when I left community mental health I was just like private practice, that's it. Like, that's the end game. I just want to get the hell out of here. But it was always driven by freedom and autonomy. I’m like, I can't be employed. I don't think I could be supervised at this stage in my life and…

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, exactly.

PATRICK CASALE: Just like need some time. You know I just need to be like, “Why do I have to be in this office from nine to five if I get my work done in half the time? Or my brain doesn't even really start working till 11:00 AM. Like, why do I have to be here? And questioning that.

But I think if you're going and like leading from that value that you have, and for you, that need for freedom, it sounds like that need for freedom has really impacted and been the driving force and catalyst behind your talks, your books, your retreats. Like, there's a lot of inner woven theme there, in terms of how you can cultivate that and bring that into the world.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, it's really all connected when you think about it. Our ability to be our highest self brings about change in other people's lives. So, if I can understand that I don't want to see my first client until 10:00 AM, if I can understand what that means for me, meaning I'm more alert, I’m more connected, I'm more attuned with the client then that however much percentage will improve their experience.

PATRICK CASALE: For sure.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Versus trying to force or fit myself into somebody else's expectation of what an employee should be and what you should do to get this work done. 

So, for me, it was like, you know what? I don't want to see clients every day of the week. I don't want to burn out. I don't want money to be the driving force in this. So, it really helps to switch your perspective when you can understand the why of I'm opening this business because it is a business and it has to make money, and it has to make sense. 

So, I see a lot of clinicians newly minted in private practice struggle with even setting their rates or exchanging the currency for the service.

PATRICK CASALE: Yep, true, the cancellation policies or enforcements such as-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes.

PATRICK CASALE: …like, I did it. I did it myself. Like, when people would call me at first and I was so scared that nobody would ever call me again because my brain tricked me into this like mindfuck of impostor syndrome of like, if you turn this client way nobody's ever going to call you again. [CROSSTALK 00:24:44]-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Right. From one person to nobody ever in life.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. If you don't say yes to $12 for this session, opposed to your rate of whatever, nobody's ever going to call you again. It's like this is ludicrous. Like, this does not [CROSSTALK 00:24:58]-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Ludicrous.

PATRICK CASALE: But it’s a reality for a lot of people, so it is a business. But I think it is a vessel, like you said, to launch into other areas, if you are more of an entrepreneurial spirited human being. Like, there are plenty of people listening this podcast who are like, “Private practice is fine with me and that is it.”

And I know a lot [CROSSTALK 00:25:17] I want to speak, I want to write books, I want to have like, media opportunities. Like, I want to run retreats or do courses. And for me, as a neurodivergent human, the idea of monotony and doing something over and over and over again for the rest of my life, that's feels like hell, honestly.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes. Okay, because I was going to say exactly that. For me, I knew from a very young age that whatever I was going to do in life, it couldn't be the same every day because I would lose my mind. 

PATRICK CASALE: Yep, yeah.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: So, I love the fact that I get the variety, right? So, this week has been two podcast interviews, a keynote, some sessions, a couple of meetings. Next week is kind of the same thing with some travel thrown in, right? So, every day is different. 

And when things are different every day, it also lends itself to this continuous cycle of inspiration because you continue to run into problem solving, new ideas, different people. And that, for me, is just part of living.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yeah. 

PATRICK CASALE: That's the stimulation, right? Like, being in the room, whether physically or virtually with someone else, hearing new ideas, new conversations, picking in new experiences, overcoming the challenges. Like, that's the stuff that feels really like motivating and energizing to me.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, doesn't it?

PATRICK CASALE: That's the stuff I always pursue instead of like, you know, the same monotonous or safe situation.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: No, no.

PATRICK CASALE: It’s just not [INDISCERNIBLE 00:27:10].

CANDYCE ANDERSON: I knew, so after grad school I got hired on to the counseling center of the nonprofit that I was a part of. I was there for like three years. And I got to a point where I was like, “I can't do this for 30 years. I can't come into the same office, around the same people, looking at the same problems.”

And we know that most nonprofits, there are some barriers there. Me kind of screaming silently, like, “Why don't you all do this thing differently.” Right? Because I'm not in control or in power in that space was when I said, “Okay.” So, then the next opportunity I had was a nonprofit, but I got to make my hours, right? So, there was a little more freedom. 

And then, from that one, I think I was there for two and a half years, then the psychiatrist’s office. And actually, psychiatrist’s office is where I learned more of the business side. So, then I said, “I think I can do this.”

And I started my practice during COVID. And I remember when I turned my letter in I gave them so much time. Like, it was so much more time than to me because I wanted to be generous in that because I know what it was like to leave. And-

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, [INDISCERNIBLE 00:28:41], yeah, yeah, yeah. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: So, I turned my notice in. I went to get some Starbucks and the barista at Starbucks said, “You are glowing.” And I was like, “Really?” She was like, “Yeah.” And I was like, “Because I did that thing today. That's why, right?” 

So, when we honor ourselves it radiates. And I think it inspires other people to do the same.

PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. 100%, it's contagious, too. And it also, like, empowers other people to think then this is a possibility. This doesn't have to be a pipe dream. This doesn't have to be like, “I hope one day this can become my reality.” It’s like, no, you can actually use this way sooner than you think if you start placing things in place. And a little bit of speaking goes a long way. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yes, yes.

PATRICK CASALE: I think like betting on yourself is fucking horrifying, but-

CANDYCE ANDERSON: It’s true. Oh, my God like that, so somewhere on my social media you're going to see that quote where I was like, before I bet on anybody else, I will bet on myself every time. And like you were saying, it doesn't always feel comfortable. 

PATRICK CASALE: No.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Right? But I always win. I always win, even when it turns out a bit different than the vision, for me, that's still a win because I did sit on it. 

PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely, agreed.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: And I never want to be, you know, in my golden years and look back, and say I should have done that thing. Yeah.

PATRICK CASALE: Life is too short.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Or I wish.

PATRICK CASALE: You know, it's just too short. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yeah, yeah. And opportunities I think abound. So, we are never short of opportunities, we are sometimes short of belief. We are sometimes short of the will to do things. But opportunity is all around. I am constantly in alignment. And if you want to use the word manifesting, amazing thing. And my goal, my job is to make sure that I am prepared, that I am ready when it appears.

PATRICK CASALE: Love that. That's great. Yeah, I think that's super powerful. 

Just thinking about all of your accomplishments, as we get closer to wrapping this up, is there one that stands out to you where you're like, “I'm still amazed that this became a reality.”

CANDYCE ANDERSON: One that stands out for me. I do have something in the works. I can't necessarily talk about it now. But hopefully, in a couple of months I can announce it. And that seemed to have come out of nowhere. But when I look back at it, about how the opportunity came about it was really them discovering me from an article that I wrote. 

 And one line in that article for them was like, “That's it.” Right? So, trusting myself enough to use my voice because remember earlier I said my voice wasn't always valued, it was always valuable. But it wasn't always valued. So, using my voice and being comfortable enough, whether it is audio and print, to be able to stay the things that I want to say because if I don't continue to speak up and don't continue to speak out, that's essentially silent. And people can't hear me if I'm silent. 

So, I say all of that to say, me getting comfortable in my own skin, even when I’m uncomfortable, still allowing who I am to show up, and to show out every single time, every single time because for me, the opposite would be betrayal of self. 

So, my greatest accomplishment is as the visions come true being very clear that they are coming true because I was unafraid to be myself. I was unafraid to be maxed out. That little girl who was told you're a prima donna, oh, you act white, right? Because you are talking about and you want to do things that aren't stereotypically accepted amongst your culture, your age group, being able to say, “No, you just hadn't caught up yet. You will, you will.” So, yeah.

PATRICK CASALE: You just said, I mean, that was unbelievably powerful and inspiring. I'm like thinking as you're talking, like, so many good quotes from this episode or titles of this episode because like, damn, super inspiring. 

And I hope that all of you listening are just soaking this in because everything you just said is so unbelievably important and powerful. And I think that that's really it right there. And I'm so happy that you're just continuing to follow that message for yourself and sharing it with the world too because that's what people need more of right? And really walking in your purpose in that regard. So, congratulations to everything.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Thank you, thank you, Patrick.

PATRICK CASALE: This was a great conversation. And I just really appreciate you making the time to do this and sharing some of your story too. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Yeah, yeah. Thank you for having me and creating this space where we can do stuff like this.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, absolutely. This was something I didn't have on my bingo card when I left grad school, so there's a lot of this. While we've got you and everything that you're about to list will also end up in the show notes for people but please share with the audience where they can find more of you. 

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Sure. My website is ceandersonlive.com. My social media handles including Twitter or now X and Instagram are also @ceandersonlive. And that's C-E-A-N-D-E-R-S-O-N-L-I-V-E, and you can find me there.

PATRICK CASALE: Awesome. That sounded like so perfectly rehearsed, like you must say that a lot. So, thank you for that. And again, everyone that will be in the show notes so you can connect, and follow, and support. And thank you so much for coming on and making the time.

CANDYCE ANDERSON: Thank you, Patrick. It's been a pleasure.

PATRICK CASALE: To everyone listening to the All Things Private Practice podcast, new episodes are out on every single Saturday on all major platforms and YouTube. Like, download, subscribe, and share. Doubt yourself, do it anyway. And we will see you next week.