Episode 155: Chronic Illness and Entrepreneurs: Rest and Boundaries [featuring Liz Slonena]

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Transcript

PATRICK CASALE: Hey, everyone. You're listening to another episode of the All Things Private Practice podcast. I'm your host, Patrick Casale. I'm joined today by my friend, and colleague, and for a repeat guest appearance, Dr. Liz Slonena. She is an ADHD psychologist, speaker, business consultant located in Asheville, North Carolina. She's a connoisseur of nerdy things, from anime to JRPGs. Dr. Liz takes neurodivergent entrepreneurs from stuck to inspired using mindful hypnosis, a science-backed way to rapidly reduce stress and feel more calm, confident, and creative. If you're ready to reignite your spark, experience Dr. Liz's mindful hypnosis meditations on YouTube or on Insight Timer.

It is really good to have you on here. I know this was kind of impromptu and last minute because I was looking for guests to fill some time while being sick with the flu. And I know we are going to talk about how to manage your business, especially, when you're a sole-owned business, when you're struggling with chronic health conditions or medical emergencies. So, it feels weirdly on the nose today.

LIZ SLONENA: Yes, and being really transparent here too, I am six weeks post-surgery. And it is interesting to just reflect upon our, like, first time doing a podcast together. Both of us have grown so much and our businesses have expanded. And I think us just connecting over relaxation, rest, taking breaks, we both kind of recoil in that. And with both of us having some interesting health conditions and chronic health issues pop up, I think it's really redefined our energy levels, our relationship with rest, and how we've really structured our businesses. So, it's great to have like a almost 180 with you today.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, it's interesting how life kind of works that way. I know I've talked extensively on this podcast and on Divergent Conversations about the chronic health condition that I have that has impacted a lot of areas of not just my business, but also, my personal life, which is just a very rare throat condition that impacts mostly people over 65, I'm 37, 0.001% of the population. Doctor like to make the joke of like, "You're one of the lucky ones." I was like, "Thank you so much."

And during surgery number two, one of my vocal cords was paralyzed. So, it's really impacted energy. It's almost 18 months, 20 months now, at this point in time, and I'm still not fully recovered. It's impacted the ways that I've had to shift my business boundaries and my personal boundaries with what I say yes to and how much capacity I have. And it creates a lot of vulnerability.

When I had the surgery, I was not a solo practitioner because my group practice had kind of just started that year, but it was tiny, but my coaching business was just me. So, talk about, like, you know, it's like you're mentally preparing for this thing that you know is going to be traumatizing in some way. So, the lead-up is traumatizing and stressful. Then the preparation stage of, like, okay, financially, how do I ensure that I'm okay? And then, the aftermath, there could be fallout, there could be, like, lost relationships when energy shifts and changes, when you start saying no to things you may have said yes to in the past because your capacity has shifted. So, I don't know if you want to just jump into kind of your own experience with everything that's happened over the last six weeks and prior to that, and we can kind of go from there.

LIZ SLONENA: Definitely, yes. And that's just a great segue because there is like a beginning, middle, and end. And I wouldn't even say end, but, like, constant recovery for chronic illness. And my chronic illness, I guess, I've been born with it, recently found out back in December of 2023 having stage three endometriosis. And the doctors and everyone I know was like, "How could you not know?"

And if anyone has heard of endometriosis, or is a survivor, or has it yourself, it's essentially extremely debilitating and painful periods, menstruation, and just a host of other kind of chronic pain issues. And for this, I've always had a really interesting complex relationship with my body, my energy levels, as well as throw in good old ADHD into that too, that I learned really well out of, like, survival and functioning in a capitalist and neurotypical world to ignore my body, to ignore my energy levels, to kind of conform to the status quo, yes, falling into like hustle culture and being chronically and constantly productive.

And that came to a screeching halt when I finally had my diagnosis. And it's kind of brought to tears of, "Oh my gosh, I've been ignoring myself, I don't even know, since day I was born, or the day I had my first period." And there was this really interesting experience of grief, like preemptive grief and complex grief, of much like new diagnoses or finally revealing, like, "Oh ADHD." Or, "Oh, autism." Or both. It really fundamentally changes your perspective of yourself, your identity, your career, the people that you are with. It's like, how do I live with this now knowing this new information?

And so, I kind of went into like a hibernation period. I didn't really tell a lot of people. It wasn't only, like, until my surgery did I feel comfortable sharing just because there's a lot of inner work and kind of preparation too, of like, "Oh shit, I'm going to have to take, like, how many weeks, how many months off? I'm not going to be myself energy-wise or even brain-wise." It was a lot of preemptive grief and a lot of preemptive thinking.

And so, I think what was helpful for me, at least, was really connecting with other folks, especially, other therapists with endometriosis. And it just so happens there's a huge correlation between endometriosis and ADHD. And it was just really refreshing to connect with other people, to get their real-life experiences, what they did, what they would do, what they wouldn't do all over again, simply because the medical model. And even my surgeon was like, "Oh, you'll be just fine. And, you know, a week and a half, two weeks you can return to work, no problem."

No, I'm so glad that I listened to my friends, my colleagues, to take more time than I felt comfortable off and really preparing, like, preemptively, before I even took extended medical leave off to actually enjoy myself. Something that I thought was also really helpful, too, was kind of almost like a YOLO, a life experience of like, okay, what do I want to do so I don't have any regrets? And that is to travel, to throw a party. And yes, I had a banging hysterectomy party. It was so much fun. And doing some, like, rites of passage, or just ritualizing, or like creating a ceremony with close friends of, okay, I'm leaving this past life behind and really entering a new one, and trying to really lean into rest, which I've always had a complicated relationship with rest, and in a way, redefining it, making it my own.

And still, I'm looking my way back up to seeing clients to the degree that I was before. But an interesting thing kind of resulted from this pause and reflection period. And I don't know if this was experienced by you, but for a lot of folks, myself included, was realizing, "Oh, I don't want to see, you know, 20 clients in a week anymore. I kind of like this ease of being able to have more free time to do hobbies." And so, I'm still, like, in the mix of it too, of really redefining, okay, how do I want to live my life now?

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Like, I do think there is an enormous amount of grief that occurs when you have any sort of chronic health condition, or diagnosis, or life-altering circumstance where you're having this, like, really confusing grief building up to the actual surgery or experience, and acknowledging, like, well, for me, this thing is like a lifelong thing.

So, I also have to acknowledge, like, this is going to recur at some point. I'm going to have to have another surgery. So, you're almost like out of the woods, but not out of the woods. And that is a weird mindfuck of like, mental preparation because you're kind of, like, in the back of your mind always knowing, like, so when am I going to have to go through this experience again? Then you have the grief of, like, your body shifting, your body changing. Like, I almost felt like my body betraying me is what it felt like. There was, like, this anger of why me? Because point 0.001% of the population is not a big percentage of the population. And it's like, why do I have this unbelievably rare, bizarre throat disorder that nobody knows about? Which led to like, "Oh, the doctors are like, well, it's so rare that we don't really have research on what comes next. And most people are over 65 so maybe it doesn't recur in them because they're in an advanced age." So, being 35 at time of diagnosis, it was like…

And I had a YOLO experience too, in the moment, like, after surgery number one. I was like, "I'm going to book a trip to Iceland and I'm going to take myself on vacation to clear my head." Never expected it to recur six months later, and then, have to have, like, open throat surgery.

So, it's just like one of those things. And you start to have to put all your plans on hold. You start to have to really mentally prepare. And I think we always want to come back quicker than our bodies really allow for. I think that's our medical model in this country, especially, of like, okay, you had the thing, you took four days off, now get back to it and, like, start making money again, start being productive again.

And what ended up happening because my vocal cords got impacted is that it altered everything, like podcasting could no longer be four to five times a day. I had to completely eliminate one-on-one coaching from my business that was flourishing and probably over the last calendar year have had to refer out hundreds of people who have reached out to me. That's a massive amount of money that I'm like, "Well, I can't do it."

So, I think there's this part of acceptance of like, what am I capable of? What can I actually build into my life to make life more manageable and more enjoyable? Because you have to start learning how to say no to things, and some of that learning is, like, unpacking our own internalized ableism of like as neurodivergent humans, we have to understand we're impacted significantly by stimulation, and sensory overload, and socializing, and executive functioning struggles, and all the things. Then you add in this chronic health condition, then there's also so much correlation, right? Like you mentioned, ADHD and endometriosis, neurodivergence and chronic health conditions go hand in hand. Our systems are just vastly impacted.

So, thinking about, like, that in a meta-perspective, almost moment by moment of like, damn, I really feel uncomfortable in my body all the time. And then, I start to piece together all these strange, bizarre ailments, and you feel crazy because you're, like, going to the doctor, advocating for yourself, usually dismissed or minimized pretty quickly because it's like, "No, it couldn't possibly be that thing at that age." Or whatever. And then lo and behold, you're like, "Well, of course, it was that thing." And it's just very, very challenging.

And if you're running a business, you know, your business doesn't really take time off, especially, if you're the sole provider and practitioner or entrepreneur.

So, last year, because this is year number two of recovery for me, I felt like I worked so hard in 2022 in build-up to that surgery that I almost got to coast through 2023 because, like, I had made enough money in my coaching business. I had done so well in terms of coaching programs, retreats, all the things, podcast monetization. I was like, "I guess I'm going to coast." But it felt like guilt the entire time of like, "I'm not doing anything, I'm not doing enough. Look at all this free time on your calendar." I get so antsy because as an autistic ADHDer, I'm like, my ADHD part is like, "I need excitement. I need stimulation. I need something." And the autistic part was like, "We just lay in the dark for like months at a time and not do any of this." So, it was really challenging mentally and physically.

And now, coming into 2024 it's like finding another gear of energy, but also, having to honor the fact that that, like, full speed ahead mentality that I've had in the past is just a quick recipe for not only autistic burnout but physical decline. So, it really is about where's the balance in all of this and trying to find some acceptance in that, too.

LIZ SLONENA: Well said, and that mirrors a lot of my experience as well, especially, endometriosis. There is no cure. Yes, I may have to have a surgery, I don't know, five years, eight years, hope to God not in a year, that it is kind of I am living with this. And I made a promise to myself, like, I'm never allowing a diagnosis to define or limit my life. And at the same time, I need to, kind of, honor my energy levels. I have to, unfortunately, take care of this neat sack of a suit that I have to, you know, experience life with and-

PATRICK CASALE: [INDISCERNIBLE 00:15:52] and be like, "Huh, okay, yeah."

LIZ SLONENA: But yeah, I'm terrible at, like, car maintenance, in general. But it's like, oh shit, I really need to take care of my body, take care of my vessel. And it's also so freaking hard to listen to your body when you've never learned how to listen to it.

PATRICK CASALE: Yep, yeah, absolutely. It's really hard. I think it creates, like, this inner tug-of-war dynamic where you're like at home, resting in whichever capacity is how you find to be comfortable, or how you rest in general. And you're like your body, your mind is like saying like, "We should be doing something. We should be creating. We should be productive. We should be working. We should be hanging out with friends. It's 75 degrees out, you should be out walking around the mountains in North Carolina." Like, and then the other part is like, "No, like, I don't have it. Like, I just can't."

And it's so hard to figure out, like, how do I listen to it? How do I honor it? And again, setting boundaries. Like, I've had to say no to friends, people who are like, "I just want to reconnect over coffee. Can we do that sometime?" And I'll be like, I'll look at my calendar and I'm like, "No." And I've said no more in my life in the last two years than I have in 37 years of existence, which feels quite empowering. But it's also, like, there's still a long way to go because I still push it. Like, I had to make an agreement with my therapist for 2025 that I would only schedule retreats that I'm hosting in odd-numbered months because this year I went Asheville in January, spoke at an event in Norway in February, Ireland in March, Spain in April, speaking at a conference in Alaska in May, hosting a retreat in Greece one week later, and it's like, yeah, this is not sustainable for most people, let alone someone with chronic health issues who is also neurodivergent.

LIZ SLONENA: Yeah. And just hearing that I'm like, "Oh my gosh, no, thank you." It sounds exciting, but I'd rather live vicariously through you and hear about all the cool things. And it is really fucking hard to be, perhaps, poly passionate, being lit up, having all these wonderful opportunities just like banging at your door, begging for you to join on in the fun.

And I feel like, with a lot of neurodivergent folks it's so hard to say no to FOMO, and it's so hard to let go of the shoulds and the coulds, and really listen to, okay, all the kind of, like, truly unmasking and really listening to, okay, regardless of what every other person wants, what do I actually want?

And that may even be like a mindfuck of like, I don't know what I want. I want multiple things. A part of me wants to go travel. A part of me wants to speak at this retreat. A part of me just wants to shut off all the lights and be a hermit and not hear from anyone until a year later. And I think it's so important of even starting there, of redefining and reclaiming rest because I can fondly remember just talking to you about rest, and you were like, almost, you know, wincing at the word. And I'm just curious now, what is your relationship to rest?

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, it's a good question. One, I just want to highlight, like, the hermit fantasy is a real fantasy for me. I have definitely told my therapist many times, I'm like, "My number one goal with all this, like, is to disappear from all of it. It's not to be in the thick of this. It's not to build this audience. It's not to make this, it's just to disappear from it." That's fantasy number one.

Number two, when I listed all those events, right, I had written them out, and you were like, "Ooh, that's exhausting hearing that." I remember, like, very much vividly saying I cannot wait until June 3rd. And this was back in like January before this all started. That is not a great mentality to have going into all of these things because I was like, "I know how much this is going to take from me."

So, anyway, my relationship with rest has definitely shifted. I think I've rest more now than I probably ever have in my life. And whether that be vocal rest, which is like an absolute necessity, I can only speak for prolonged periods during the day before my voice is just gone. And it's one of those things that is really frustrating because, like, if you're in a loud environment, if I'm out with friends, or at a bar or restaurant, or there's music, or it's just loud, it's almost impossible for me to be heard. And that is so frustrating because what you'll get is a lot of like, glances when you're talking, or someone will try to read your lips, or, like, they'll be like, "What did you say? I can't hear you."

And the more that happens, the more frustrated you get. But you can't enunciate or project any louder than you are, so you start to shut down.

So, it's led to a lot of these moments where I'm just like, I have to be so selective of who I hang out with, where I hang out, where I spend time. So, that has really shrunk my world a bit in certain situations. So, that's been a challenge.

So, I know, like, vocal rest is paramount for me. And then not over-scheduling myself. Like, prior to surgery, I was probably doing between five and six different things a day, whether it be like five podcast recordings, two coaching sessions, and whatever, like, the combination was, and the reality has become that I can do two to two and a half things a day until my energy and my voice is gone.

So, again, circling back to rest, like, that means having to be very, very, very selective and intentional about how I schedule my time, which I never really had to think about before in the same way. So, it really does alter your entire world, but I enjoy it. Like, I enjoy the rest periods. I'm like, I can just lay on my couch. I can lay my bed in the dark. I can sit on my porch. Like, I don't have to be doing anything, and I don't feel like I'm not being productive.

I think the one thing I still struggle with is the ADHD part of me that's like, I'm pretty antsy, like I need to do something stimulating. But I'm not feeling like it needs to be productive to be stimulating.

LIZ SLONENA: And that's great of just untangling that internalized capitalism, the internalized ableism, all the isms, and really come back home to yourself. Like, come back home to who you naturally are, the unmasked self.

And I think that that is so important with a lot of clients and consultees that are, again, ADHD or neurodivergent entrepreneurs. They really struggle with this piece of actually resting and realizing, okay, what do I do with this free time? What is coasting looking like in my business? And letting go of that nagging need to build, build, build, grow, grow, grow, expand, expand, expand because that's energy expenditure.

And for a lot of folks, guiding them through this exercise of redefining rest, like letting go of even the label of rest, and realizing, all right, maybe nourishing is a better word to use, or recalibrating, or recovery from weariness. And I really encourage them to redefine what that word is, and then, much like values work. Like, living true to that. And that flexibility, I think, is really key, especially, with the ADHD part, or the restlessness which I really relate to as well of I am needing mental stimulation because if I'm under-stimulated, I will fall asleep, and I don't like being asleep. There's like so much I want to do and experience. Play all the video games, go to all the music festivals, and shit, my meat vessel is preventing me or nerfing me from these experiences.

And it is that really being very discerning and this weird, like, thinking ahead. And for me, I'm just like, damn, I can barely think like one day ahead. But as unfortunate as it is, sometimes we do have to learn the hard way. And like a recent example, I, a form of just like physical rest, which is kind of paradoxical, I need to walk. And I walk like at least 10K steps a day. And for me, that is restful. That is, like, recalibrating.

And post-surgery, this is like 10 days post-surgery I'm like, "I want to go walking again. I got, you know, doctor's orders, I need to walk." And I thought it was a great idea to try to walk to 10,000 steps. I, like, was about to pass out by 7000 steps. And just had this, like, come to moment with my body of like, why am I torturing myself? Why am I trying to be the person I once was when truly you are a different person? Your body's needs, even your kind of emotional or physical needs are completely different now. But it's hard to go off script and rewrite this narrative, or, dare I say, even explore. But what is kind of nourishing, resting, recalibrating when, quite frankly, we don't have great role models, or ADHD, or neurodivergent-friendly ways of rest because the neurotypical ways, quite frankly, are pretty boring for us.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, yeah. I think we can kind of shame spiral in those moments when it's like, all right, so self-care, right? Is like bubble baths, and massages, and mindfulness, and meditation. And for me, it's like that couldn't be further from the truth. So, I have to really challenge my own notion of, like, what am I supposed to be doing in order to recover, to rest, to center and ground? And it just has to look different and give myself permission for it to look differently.

And I think that's important for anyone listening, like, figuring out the ways that you do feel restorative, or restful, or recharged, and doesn't mean having to be still. Because I know when I'm thinking about stillness, I get unbelievably uncomfortable, like, crawl out of your skin discomfort.

So, instead of, like, beating myself up for that, or being like, "See, you just can't do this." It's like, "Well, if you know you need to be in motion, regardless of whether that feels restorative or not, how can we do this in a way where you also don't have to use, like, your executive functioning or your mental energy. You just get your body into motion." Sometimes that means, like, walking my dogs around the neighborhood, sometimes that means, like, going for a drive. Sometimes that means, like, going to kick a soccer ball around, like, by myself, whatever it needs to be. But it doesn't have to look a certain way. And I think that's really important with all of this stuff.

And again, like, spending time doing things that feel nourishing, whether that's, like, watching a TV show you really enjoy, or a movie, or listening to music, or playing a game, or spending time with animals that you own, or volunteer with, or like in nature. There are so many ways that you can do these things that it doesn't have to look like I'm going to sit on my porch for 20 minutes in stillness and meditate. That's never going to be me. And it's just going to be frustrating.

So, I think it's important to just honor what our individual systems need, and being able to really ensure that you are providing yourself with that because entrepreneurship is a journey. It's a roller coaster. It is stressful. I wouldn't change it for the world. But that doesn't mean that it is a relaxing experience, either.

LIZ SLONENA: No. And the fact that it is so stimulating, so novelty-based, so focused on variety and yes, some natural risk and reward. Yes, that mirrors so well to a neurodivergent lifestyle. And we can't go 150 miles per an hour constantly, but yes, that sustainability piece, that re-centering, rebalancing is so important.

And I think it's important to go through like the seven pillars of rest. And that being physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, and spiritual, which will be very different than the neurotypical ways of these self-carry things.

And it can be in this way walking through a person, and that's what I got a lot of my clients with, is okay, tell us everything you know about self-care out the window, and go back to your childhood, before you knew you were ADHD, before you were taught these messages that you are lazy if you play video games, or you are doing something bad if you don't want to go outside and play, and you'd rather just, you know, watch all the anime or enjoy the cartoons.

And it's so interesting of, you know, reconnecting with those parts of yourself, whether you want to use, like, healing your inner child, or those [INDISCERNIBLE 00:32:05], or just simply reconnecting to long lost hobbies, and interests, and values. That's where we can get some permission to play and experience and realizing, "Oh, yeah, I have not, you know, sketched or drawn in a very long time." Or realizing, "Oh, I had this creative side to myself of, you know, playing piano or just experimenting with music."

And I think it is, like, this permission, especially, for neurodivergent folks and just folks in general, to unmask to next level. Like, be authentic to yourself, even if that is, you know, for sensory things, shutting off all the lights, and just turning on the fairy lights, and getting that appropriate mixture of, like, stimulation, but not overstimulated.

So, it is a very nuanced thing, but it is fun just to hear other people's experiences and gain kind of, you know, self-disclosure, or just examples because it's kind of hard to be like, "Oh, what do I like to do for fun? What is my hobby? Hobby as an entrepreneur? This is my hobby. My business can be my life. But really having that diversification, I think, is so key, and finding like a community to support you too and doing weird stuff of, you know, watching Game of Thrones for the third time around, which more power to you that would be excruciatingly painful. But then again, I've kind of logged in 150 hours of a strategy Japanese game that probably would bore you to hell.

PATRICK CASALE: No, thanks. [CROSSTALK 00:33:51]-

LIZ SLONENA: Yeah. And I'm like, "I can't wait to go play some more."

PATRICK CASALE: That's well said. And I think really taking that perspective with all of this and trying to incorporate that more into our lives because I think if you are a neurodivergent entrepreneur, there are going to be health challenges, there are going to be mental health challenges along the way. And trying to really honor, like, our limitations and our capacities, and just trying really hard to give ourselves permission to do the things that we enjoy doing, and not just the things that we feel like we have to say yes to.

And saying no is a way to restore and recharge. And it's a great way to set a boundary, too. So, getting comfortable with just saying no despite the FOMO or despite the like, "Oh, I'll never have another opportunity again if I say no."

And a good friend of mine just asked me, "Hey, I know you'll be in Ireland next year for your retreat in March, but would you want to come to Austin for my summit and speak?" And it's two weeks after I get back. And there's a part of me that wants to say yes to that, but I was just like, "Listen, I can't do that." And I think in the past, I would have forced myself to say yes to that. And I would have dealt with the consequences of the fallout and the aftermath of having to recover from burnout, and it's just not something I'm willing to do anymore. So, just getting really comfortable with those situations, too.

LIZ SLONENA: Right, yeah. And the power of no, it can be really uncomfortable, especially, if you're a chronic people pleaser, or a genuine part of yourself is like, "Oh, this is an amazing opportunity." But thinking about, you know, long term, really taking care of yourself, like your future self.

And sometimes I have to do these exercises with myself and for my clients too, of like, okay, what would be the greatest gift to your future self? Would taking that speaking opportunity do it, or would truly going at home and cuddling your dogs, or just binge-watching your favorite anime show, is that what your future self really needs?

Because there will always be more opportunities. And again, it is a journey. It is sometimes feels like a marathon and a sprint at the same time. But you don't have to participate if you don't like running.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, you can just stand on the sidelines and hand out water.

LIZ SLONENA: Yeah, yeah. And that could be enough for you.

PATRICK CASALE: This is a great conversation. I hope it was helpful for everyone listening. Liz, I'm glad you shared some of your story. And it's nice to know that you're trying to just reconfigure things to make it work for yourself. And really excited to see where the next year takes you as well. But please tell the audience where they can find more of what you do have going on so… And we'll also link all of what Liz is about to list in the show notes as well, so you have easy access to all of those things.

LIZ SLONENA: Great. And thanks for having me on. And if this connected with you or resonated with you at any way, you can find me atdrlizlistens.com. And my social handles are Dr. Liz Listens. I'm fairly active on Facebook and Instagram. Love to do a lot of memes. That is my creative way of procuring rest, and just relaxation, and creativity.

And if you are interested in learning different ways of really restoring yourself and recalibrating yourself, I do a lot of mindful hypnosis. And for some folks, they're like, "Oh, God, that's going to be so boring." No, this is kind of my approach to make it very neurodivergent-friendly that it's very imaginative, it's very focused on guided imagery and inner transformation. So, if you are hypno-curious, you can listen to some of my meditations on YouTube as well as exclusive ones on Aura. And just find and experience new ways of tending to your body.

LIZ SLONENA: Love it. And all of that information, again, will be in our show notes so that you have easy access to all those trainings and ways to connect with Liz. Thanks for coming on and sharing your story. Always a pleasure. And hopefully, see in Asheville at some point, whenever both of our schedules allow that to happen.

LIZ SLONENA: I know, can't wait, and we're both kind of hermits. So, maybe next two months.

PATRICK CASALE: My friends that, like, I connect with here will be like, "So, I know you're busy and you don't want to socialize with a lot of people, so you have anything in the next four months where you could fit me in." And I'm like, "That's perfect. Like, that works well."

LIZ SLONENA: Agreed.

PATRICK CASALE: And to everyone listening to the All Things Private Practice podcast, new episodes are out every single Saturday on all major platforms and YouTube. You can like, download, subscribe, and share. Doubt yourself, do it anyway. We'll see you next week.