Episode 162: Become a TEDx Speaker: Tips for Powerful Public Speaking [featuring Michael Ashford]

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Transcript

PATRICK CASALE: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the All Things Private Practice podcast. I've got a return guest, a good friend, and colleague, Michael Ashford, who's the director of… is it marketing at The Receptionist, is that your role?

MICHAEL ASHFORD: That's it, yeah.

PATRICK CASALE: Okay. A TEDx speaker, a TEDx speaker, coach, and author, a podcast host, just a cool guy, in general. You're going to be speaking at the Scotland Doubt Yourself, Do it Anyway summit next July, which we're thrilled about. And you are actually coaching me on my first TED talk, or TEDx talk, that is happening in February in Manitou Springs, Colorado, which I did not know as a place. And then, of course, like, the location's in Colorado Springs, which, you know, threw me for another curveball this morning while looking for Airbnbs.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Yeah.

PATRICK CASALE: So, I am pumped. I am also unbelievably nervous. And I think today we are going to talk about how to become a TEDx speaker, the behind-the-scenes process, and what it can do for your brand, how speaking engagements and getting on that stage can amplify your message, amplify your voice, amplify your brand. So, with all of that being said, how long have you been doing this? The TEDx side of things for your business?

MICHAEL ASHFORD: So, I gave my first TEDx talk in early 2021. So, we're coming up on almost four years ago now. At the time, I had just started my podcast the previous summer, in the summer of 2020. At the time the podcast was called The Follow-Up Question. After all the interviews that I had done there, I thought, "Hey, I've got a message that I want to share on a different platform besides my podcast." And so, I thought, "Well, what's the biggest platform that I could possibly aim for? Let's do a TEDx talk."

So, we could talk about how that came to be, and some tips for landing a TEDx talk. I'll skip to the good part. It's all about building relationships. But I gave my TEDx talk in between that and my second TEDx talk, when they invited me back, they asked me to coach at the event that was in the middle there. And I had never coached before. But they really liked how I approached my first TEDx talk and how I went through that process. So, I said, "Sure, yeah, let's give it a try."

And I coached one speaker. And I thought, "Boy, I like this better than being on a stage." And I really like being on a stage. Like, I love that. So, I gave my second TEDx talk, like I mentioned. After that, they said, "Hey, would you be up for being our head speaker coach at TEDx Manitou Springs?"

And by the way, you're absolutely right. Manitou Springs is a place. It's not in Colorado Springs. It's right next to it. Our curator happens to be from Manitou Springs, but there's not enough event space. Manitou Springs is a tiny little town, little mountain town in the foothills. And so, we're like, "Hey, there's plenty of space in Colorado Springs, that's a better place to hold our events." So, that's how it came to be, in terms of the coaching. And then, from there, I thought, you know, I like doing this for more than just this event, and my kind of side hustle business has taken off from there.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's really cool to hear how that starts. And I like how you're like, I'm going to just aim as high as I can and just go for this, so…

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Yeah, why not?

PATRICK CASALE: Well done on that. I will say, as someone who has gone through the application process, who has gotten a few rejections, can we speak to that a little bit? Because the application process, as you help coach me through it, is definitely very specific. I even liked how certain events are like, "If you are just applying to every TEDx talk, do not apply to this event because we will not choose you." And they are very explicit about that. And I thought I really appreciate that, like, transparency and direct communication in that regard.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Yeah, you know, every TEDx event is independently run. It's kind of a, think of it like a franchisee thing. But so, they all have their different standards and their different ways of picking their speakers. We at TEDx Manitou Springs really like to do a mix of local or regional speakers, and then, speakers from across the country. And then, actually, we're having our first international speaker at the event that you're speaking at, Patrick. And you, of course, are from Asheville, North Carolina, which is quite a ways away from Colorado.

PATRICK CASALE: [CROSSTALK 00:05:37].

MICHAEL ASHFORD: But while that's very in your face, like, "Don't apply here if you're just applying to all TEDxs." That is kind of a good guide to go off of. Like, we want something that is specific and on topic for the theme or the brand that we're trying to portray as a TEDx event.

PATRICK CASALE: For sure.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: And if you are just getting out there, and let's say, for instance, our theme right now is Break Free for our event coming up in February. If you presented an idea for a TEDx talk on how to, I don't know, I'm pulling this out of complete, like, how do we make it so that our prison systems are more judicious in their punishment, or something like that. You know, nobody would ever give a talk like that. But, like, I'm thinking of examples here. Then, we can see that. We can tell when you're not invested in our event through your application. It's very, very obvious.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, yeah. We kind of talked about this a little bit when we were going through the process, like, it's almost like when you apply to a job, but you can tell that you're just blasting your resume to every single potential opening, which is fine, but it also doesn't help you stand out. It doesn't help the person who's receiving it, like, feel like there's buy in, in that way, in terms of emotional investment. So, I think that's a big part to really hone in on it. Like, if you're going to be applying for a TEDx, to really get specific about why you're applying to the event in particular, the location in particular, and how your talk, how your message really fits in with the theme of the event that's being hosted as well.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: And if you do that then you're less likely to make mistakes in your application process. Like, when we were taking in applications for this event, we got close to 500 I believe. And you can tell when somebody's just, like, copying and pasting because they'll call our event the wrong name, or you know, they'll reference the wrong theme. And it's like, okay, I could tell. Like, I could tell exactly what you're doing here. You don't care about this event, and this theme, and this location, perhaps. You care about just being on a TEDx stage. And yeah, every TEDx event is going to be perhaps a little bit different, but that matters to most of us, absolutely.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that's such a important point. So, that's point number one. Point number two, we were talking about this before we started recording. Sorry, I'm in a really tiny phone booth for those of you watching the video of me moving around trying to get as comfortable as humanly possible.

So, you mentioned this before we started recording like there's an anxiety to this. Like, I have spoken on stages in different parts of the world. And going to Manitou Springs for TEDx, I'm like, this is the most anxious I've ever been about a speaking opportunity. So, as a coach and a speaker, can you talk a little bit about your thoughts on why that happens? I assume it's the name, it's the accolade. Like, it's the ability to say I have been a TEDx speaker. Like, there is some heaviness to that, I think. There's some weight to that.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: It's instant credibility. I speak from experience. You say that I'm a TEDx speaker, and it is instant credibility that you know what you're talking about, that you can talk about the subject. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, right? Because of the name, because of the platform, because you're standing in the middle of that red dot. We look at, you know, Simon Sinek and Brene Brown and all the most watched TED talks out there actually weren't at the TED conference on the official TED stage. They were at TEDx events. And so, there's a potential there. I think we all understand or have in the back of our mind the potential that this could have to blow up.

I mean, I kind of made fun of the fact that Manitou Springs is a small, tiny, little mountain town, TEDx Manitou Springs has six TEDx talks from our speakers. This will be our seventh event. We have six TEDx talks that have reached over a million views, and two that have been highlighted by big TED.

They said, "Hey, we want to take your video, and put it on our website, and draw specific attention to it." So, there is always that potential. And when we think about that potential, we start thinking about, "I've got to nail this. I've got to be perfect. I've got to bring my best performance ever. I have to have the most dramatic story. And I've got to put on this performance."

There's an element of truth to all of that, yes. But when you actually get to the event, and you see the space, and you understand what goes into the production of it, it's just another speaking event, man. It's what happens afterwards, and the video and all the posting on YouTube, there's a different aspect to that, and that's the marketing side. But you get in that space, you're giving a talk. You're giving a talk about a topic that you are deeply passionate about or knowledgeable about, that you believe that others need to hear about it, not that you want others to hear about it, that you believe you have an idea that others need to hear. If you can focus on that, you're going to be good.

PATRICK CASALE: Right. And that's such good advice. And I feel like that's also poignant. Like, I'm like, "Oh, I'm taking that in too."

MICHAEL ASHFORD: One other thing that I want to say, one of the things that I have to coach out of people is you don't have to show up and have the TEDx voice, you know, like you're on public radio or something like that. You don't have to give the TEDx performance either.

We had one speaker who's a leadership speaker, he's an Olympian bobsledder, not bobsledder. Luge, luge? Yeah, luge is the one you lean back on and you're on your own. He's an Olympic luger. He's been to five Olympics. I believe he's trying to qualify for his sixth. He's all over the place. He is himself. He is not the typical TEDx speaker where you have to have the right cadence, and you have to have the right inflection. Like, you're not giving a performance, be you, show up as you, however, that means, whatever that means to you. Show up as you because that's why we chose you.

And I would say that to you, Patrick, as your coach, I would say that to anybody thinking about a TEDx talk, or if you have a TEDx talk, whether it's on a TEDx stage or not show up as you, is the reason you were chosen for that moment in that that stage.

PATRICK CASALE: That's big advice, I think, for people listening, because I think there is this perception, right? Of like, I have to show up in a very specific way, and that's for a lot of speaking engagements. I know for the people who come to my retreats or my summits, the speakers are always so nervous beforehand to the build-up understandably so. I think nerves are good. Like, I think that my nerves are good in the way where I'm like, this means I'm really passionate about the message I'm delivering. But I would rather you lean into the nerves are good because I'm passionate about the delivery, and the message, and the thing I want to get across opposed to I'm really nervous because I don't think I know what I'm talking about. That is like a differentiator for me.

And I always have to have these, like, talks with our speakers and these events like I chose you. I reached out to you, specifically, for a reason. I want you to be your authentic self. I want your personality to shine through. You're going to stumble through some of it at times. Sometimes you're going to say something and be like, 'I didn't mean say that that way." But I want you to get your message across, because the way you deliver it, how passionate you are about what you're talking about, that's what I want my audience to take away from, like, and less about, "I am nervous because I just don't think I know enough, or I'm good enough, or I'm having major impostor syndrome."

MICHAEL ASHFORD: And the thing of it is, and this is true on a TEDx stage, or at one of your events, or wherever you're speaking, it could be on a podcast, you do know so much. On that topic that you've been asked to speak about, you are theoretically the expert, and you know a lot about it, you've got a wealth of experience, and that can be the thing that we focus on.

And here's what I mean by that, you know so much in your head about the topic that you know when you don't say everything that you could. Here's the thing, the audience doesn't know that. You're not an actor with lines to recite from their favorite play or movie. Like, my favorite movie is To Kill a Mockingbird, or one of my favorite movies is To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus Finch, no matter who I watch in a play, in a made-for-TV adaption movie, or what have you, Atticus Finch will always be played by Gregory Peck in my mind. And how he delivered those lines in the original movie, how he carried himself, the weight, the gravitas of Gregory Peck. I'm going to go to a play of To Kill a Mockingbird, and that actor who plays Atticus Finch will always be judged against Gregory Peck.

But that is not true when you're on a stage. We don't know what you're going to say. So, if you forget something it doesn't matter because we didn't know it in the first place. So, you get in this mindset of I know all the things, and I know all that I could say, but the audience doesn't. And that can, hopefully, be some relief and release there.

And you're absolutely right, man, like those nerves, that anxiety that you feel, reframe it to the positive. It means something to you. It's important to you. And yes, of course, you want to do a good job, and be coherent in your thoughts, and make sense in how you deliver that information. Of course, of course, we all do. But reframe it to the positive.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's a great point. And I think that is so important for those of you listening who want to add speaking to your repertoire, or to alternative streams of revenue, or just something that you want to add to your list of things that you do.

And a lot of people do want to land speaking opportunities. They do want to, eventually, become a paid speaker, which is a wonderful thing. But I think you have to start somewhere. And Michael said that you aimed high, and you just went for the TEDx right away. Like, you skipped some steps for a lot of people, I think, who are listening. But that doesn't mean that you can't do the same thing, right?

So, like, I think it's about taking action on these ideas that oftentimes prevent us from moving forward or scare us and feel like these ideas are not meant for me. They're too big. And they create too much self-doubt, impostor syndrome.

I had reached out to you several times about doing some TEDx speaker coaching because I knew I wanted to land a TEDx talk at some point in time. And I'm busy, so there are always reasons why I could say back to you in text form, like, "Actually, I don't think I can start this right now." But what I decided last summer was like, I just have to commit to this, right? Like, I have to commit to scheduling the first coaching call because if I don't, I'll just, like, let it be in the void forever, and it'll just slip my mind, eventually, and I won't take action on it.

So, I want to encourage those of you who are listening like to take action on the idea whether that means, like, starting to do research on speaking opportunities on the TEDx site or on the TED site, looking at the different locations, looking at the different themes, getting comfortable with the application process because you're likely going to get rejected by several of the applications you send out, but it will help you become more and more comfortable in just kind of moving closer to that goal, and that idea of, I want to become a TEDx speaker.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: And there are other ways that you can, you know, I said I aimed high, and I went for the TEDx talk. But you know what's behind that is, I had years as a podcast host. I had dedicated myself to making social media video, not just static posts, to get in the art and the practice of not just being on camera or delivering my thoughts in a one-minute box, but also, I had been at conferences where I had spoke, I had delivered, or, excuse me, going back to social media, I had listened to myself talk, right? That's a huge part of it, too. We don't like to hear ourselves on camera, or don't like the sound of our own voice. We're actually, in my view, afraid of the judgment that we're going to share about ourselves in our heads. It's not judgment coming from anyone else. It's our own judgment.

But being in the practice of those things, signing up for Toastmasters. You know, there's a point where I think Toastmasters, as you get good enough, maybe doesn't become as relevant. But if you're just starting out and need a place to practice your craft, it's a wonderful place. It's a wonderful place. Conferences and events like yours, Patrick. I mean, the opportunities that you give to people to step up on that stage. And, yeah, they might be nervous, but they're in a safe space, I'll say, with other like-minded peers who want them to succeed. That's the other huge part of it is like, I've literally never walked into a space where the audience didn't want me to succeed. The audience is there because they're hoping to get something valuable out of you, that they believe that there's something that you're going to share that can change their life, that can motivate them to do the next thing.

The people listening right now, Patrick, I don't believe they want either one of you or either one of us to say anything stupid that they're like, "Well, this was not worth my time." They're like, "I really hope I get something good out of this." And hopefully, they have, you know? It's a consistent practice to it. And, yeah, aim high. Don't be afraid of that. What's the worst that they can tell you, no? That's not a judgment on you personally. It's just a not now, and that's okay.

PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's really well said. So, I think there are lots of ways for you to get speaking experience, for those of you listening who, let me be honest, like hosting a podcast was never really a goal of mine. People kept saying I should do it. They're like, "You have a podcast voice." The person who just cut my hair told me, "You have a podcast voice." I'm like, "Yeah, I have a podcast."

MICHAEL ASHFORD: [INDISCERNIBLE 00:22:04].

PATRICK CASALE: …it wasn't a goal of mine, you know? It wasn't something that I really wanted to do. And here we are. I think you'll probably be like episode 170 on this podcast, in addition to the other podcast that I co-host, and then all the episodes I've been on with other people. It starts with one episode, right? It starts with, like, one interview, putting yourself out there a little bit. I know it's scary to those of you listening. Like, sending that first DM, or that first email, or that first opportunity to connect can be scary. There's vulnerability in rejection. There's vulnerability in putting yourself out into the world. But however, you just never know where it's going to lead.

And I would say, like, when I started All Things Private Practice, it was back in August of 2020. And I remember reaching out to people in the private practice coaching industry who are very well known and respected just being like, "Hey, this is who I am. I respect your work. I'd love to connect at sometime. If you are ever taking podcast guests, could you tell me how to apply or what that looks like." And things like that. And, you know, maybe seven of 10 people don't respond. But all it takes is that one person who's like, "Yeah, absolutely, come on and be a guest."

And I think you have to shoot your shot sometimes, you know? And I think you have to put yourself out there, you kind of build on it from like, like you said, podcasting, making social media videos, and the same for me, and being uncomfortable with that process at first to then, like, building on that foundation, and getting more and more comfortable with speaking, more and more comfortable with applying, more and more comfortable with connecting with people in the industry. And like, fast forward four years. I don't think that you and I would be sitting here knowing each other for almost three years now because of a podcast. It's pretty wild.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: It is wild. I mean, I've had a chance on my podcast to interview former ambassadors and, you know, CEOs of multi-million dollar corporate. I mean, just the people that I think we in society hold up as being, I don't know, better than, but they're not. They're people. They are people.

And you know, if you're concerned about the haters online and that kind of judgment, well, don't give space to people that would never be in your corner cheering for you in the first place. Like, don't give voice to them. Don't give oxygen to them. It's not worth your time. There are plenty of communities that want to see you grow and succeed. There are plenty of coaches that want to help you along that journey.

And I mean, what I coach people through all the time is like, you are not a performer on that stage or on that platform. You're not hosting a podcast to perform unless you're, like, doing an acting podcast. Like, I understand there's nuance to this, right? But you're there to tell the story through the lens of your own perspective and experience, and no one can tell you that that is untrue. They may disagree with it, which is fine. We shouldn't be afraid of disagreement, either. But if you can present yourself or think about yourself as I'm telling a story through my perspective, guided by my experience that I believe people, it can help people, it can show people a different way, it can guide people, of all those things. And yes, also recognize and admit that there is a non-altruistic aspect of this.

I wanted to do a TEDx talk because I wanted to be on a stage. I wanted that platform to grow my business, to sell books down the road, like all of it. I wanted to do it to build my business. And that's okay too. But I'm also hopeful that in the process of doing so, it's helping people, too.

PATRICK CASALE: Right, absolutely, that's so well said. That last point is so perfect. Like, and you're right, there are going to be people who aren't rooting for you, whatever the case may be, surround yourself with the people who are. So, yeah, I want to circle back to that.

But your last point, yeah, of course there's some ego in this, right? Like, there is a little bit where you're like, "I want to perform. Like, I want to push myself to a higher level. I want to accomplish." I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And when your message is authentic and you really care about what you're trying to put out into the world, it kind of is really synchronistic where it's like, I'm going to elevate my brand, I'm going to elevate my business, I'm going to elevate who I am, but I'm also going to do it in a way that feels really congruent with my values and what I care about. Therefore, that is going to help elevate my business and my brand because I'm staying consistent to who I am, I'm staying authentic to my values, and getting a message out into the world that I'm passionate about and needs to be heard.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Yep, I couldn't agree more. When you go in and misrepresent yourself, that can be on a stage, that can be on a podcast, that can be on social media. If you misrepresent yourself, like, that's not a good thing. So, don't misrepresent yourself.

PATRICK CASALE: So, that's not something you recommend while applying for TEDx.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: I don't, I don't.

PATRICK CASALE: So, in the last couple of minutes while we're here, any takeaways or tips for those people who are listening and they're trepidatious. They're like, I do think I have a big idea. I do think I have a message I want to get across. So, now what?

MICHAEL ASHFORD: One of the things that I think stops a lot of people that I hear a lot of people say, "I'd love to do that, but I think my idea or talk has already been done." And I tell them, "Yeah, it has." Like, there are so many TEDx… I believe there are on average 50,000 new TEDx talks that go out every year. The chances are quite high that your overall idea will not be unique or the topic that you're talking on.

What is unique is you're the only one with your experience. You're the only one through the lived experience of your life, of your job, of your profession. Like, you're the only one that has that perspective. And how can you tell that story in a way that, yes, we may have heard a talk about ADHD before, right? To the work that you do, Patrick, ADHD and autism, but the perspective that you're going to bring that's where it shines. When you're applying you've got to think about what is the unique perspective that I'm bringing? It can't just be some motivational talk like find what you're passionate about and reach for the stars. It has to be something that is a very tangible value from your perspective.

And whether it's me as a coach investigating that idea for you, or whether it's some other coach, or whether it's just you reflecting on your own and journaling, perhaps, or asking yourself those questions, own an idea in somebody's head and build upon that, you're going to be good. You're going to be good just because your talk has "been done" and that topics been covered doesn't mean there's not room for more. We want you. We don't want the performer. We don't want the actor. We don't want the talk that's already been done that doesn't add to the conversation, your experience and talk can add to it if you really take the time to do that deep exploration.

PATRICK CASALE: I love that. And for those of you listening where you're like, "I don't even know if this is applicable to me." I want to say that what you just said is applicable all across the board because so many people don't get started on their coaching programs, their podcasts, their retreat business, their group practice, etc., etc., etc., their book, their TEDx application because it has been done before. And very rarely do we exist in a world where we are just creating new ideas, right?

So, the reality is, what is the most valuable is your presence, your experience, your perspective, how this has impacted you personally. And I think that goes for everything when we're talking about creation. So, really couldn't have said that-

MICHAEL ASHFORD: [CROSSTALK 00:30:25].

PATRICK CASALE: Go ahead.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: …if I could real quick, just to give people an example of this, when I thought about doing a TEDx talk, my first one, it was on the topic of how do we find common ground at a time when we're, like, deeply polarized and divided in this country, here in the United States? I did my research. There were tons of other TEDx talks on how to find common ground. I was the only one that took the perspective of a former journalist and thinking about, how do we find common ground by thinking like a journalist? That was my unique perspective on the matter. The topic had been covered. I brought a different viewpoint on it. So, you're absolutely right. It's not just on a TEDx talk. It's your business. It's your goals. It's your podcast. Everything you listed off, man, you said it so well.

PATRICK CASALE: Thank you. Well, I hope this conversation was helpful for those of you who are listening. I'm going to just shamefully promote the fact that Michael is a great TEDx speaker, coach. I can attest to that from firsthand experience. And I highly recommend him if you are considering doing something like this. And now it's your turn Michael to share where they can find whatever you want them to find about you.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: You've got it, man. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. My website is michaelashford.com. And I just put out a new resource called Crafting your Pillow Talk, which is kind of the basic… I put to paper the basic foundational idea of how I coach people to think about structuring their talk. It's not the end all be all. And I give you some other structure ideas in that document, but it's a free resource on my website. So, go to michaelashford.com and under Resources, download Craft Your Pillow Talk. And that worksheet and guidebook will, kind of, guide you through what to think about as you think about perhaps one day getting on a stage.

PATRICK CASALE: That's awesome. And you also have a podcast. So, tell [CROSSTALK 00:32:21]-

MICHAEL ASHFORD: I do.

PATRICK CASALE: …everyone gets to this, like, self-promotion part of the podcast episode and you're like, "I don't have anything."

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Oh, I've got lots. I do a lot. If you want me to talk for a long time, I will. No, I've got my book. So, Can I Ask A Question that's out on Amazon, or you can get a signed copy on my website as well.

And then, I have a podcast, yes, Rethinking Communication. I referenced it earlier that it used to be called The Follow-Up question, which was an ode back to my journalism days, but now I've come to this realization that we weren't really taught much how to communicate well with each other through our formal education. So, I'm exploring that idea of what does it mean to communicate well in a in a holistic way rather than just this… We were taught how to exert our ideas on each other. We were not taught how to extract ideas out of each other, and that, to me, is the well-rounded model of communication. So, Rethinking Communication is the show.

PATRICK CASALE: Wow. Love that. So, all of that will be in the show notes for you to have access to. And Michael, thanks for coming on and being an awesome guest. And I'm really looking forward to meet you in person in a couple months, in two springs.

MICHAEL ASHFORD: Heck, yeah, man.

PATRICK CASALE: And for everyone listening to the All Things Private Practice podcast, I almost said Divergent Conversations podcast, new episodes are out every single Saturday on all major platforms. You can like, download, subscribe, and share.

There are still spots to the Scotland Doubt Yourself, Do it Anyway summit in July of next year. Make sure to sign up for that. Links are on my website and all over the place on social media. Doubt yourself, do it anyway. And we'll see you next week.